saxifraga-x-urbium:

stammsternenstaub:

mouthword:

• Don’t throw away your favorite shirt just because it’s pink or in a women’s cut, one day you might be passing and confident enough to wear it again. Don’t stop wearing or doing something you like just because it’s not traditionally masculine.

• It can take years, YEARS, for even the most supporting family member to use the right name and pronouns, because they’ve known you since you were born as one thing, and it can be hard for them to automatically correct themselves. I know you hear this a lot from THEM, but this is coming from another trans dude. If they’re trying their hardest to understand you, if they support you in your transition, don’t treat them like the devil for slipping up on your name and pronouns. Try to be patient in correcting them. Above all else, they love you. Remember that!

• If you’re in a safe home environment, it’s best to come out to everyone at once. Rip off the bandaid. It can be really stressful for close family not to know what to call you in front of other family members when you use your preferred name and pronouns with everyone but certain people. Don’t feel like you need to hide yourself from certain people if they’re extended family that you’re not going to see until next Thanksgiving. Put it out there so that everyone knows and nobody needs to sneak around the subject.

• Don’t resent previously transphobic relatives for things they said before they came to support you. Sometimes it takes someone in the family coming out for them to realize that trans people are people to. Take pride in the fact that you changed their perspective on it, don’t hate them for what they used to believe.

• Don’t go out with straight guys. I can’t stress this enough. If he’s only into you because you’re AFAB, stay away from him. Ask him about his sexuality. If he says anything about “only going out with trans guys”, get the fuck out of there. Stay away from straight guys.

• Bind in moderation. Don’t bind at home, and don’t bind under baggy clothing. Not only is it bad for your ribs, but you can get a pretty gross rash from wearing a sweaty binder all the time that’s a pain in the ass to get rid of.

• If you’re a B cup and under, you can flatten your chest down with a single sports bra and get pretty much the same results as using an actual binder. I’m a B cup and I can pass with just a sports bra, not to mention it’s ten times more comfortable.

• When you’re trying to get a recommendation for HRT, you’re going to need to see a sex therapist, and you’re going to be asked a lot of uncomfortable questions. You’ll be asked about your sexual and romantic preferences, on top of questions about dysphoria and general trans stuff. It’s awkward and anxiety inducing, and it’s gonna suck, but the therapist’s goal is to get you in to see the endo and the questions are there so that they can see if you fit the diagnosis for gender dysphoria. All you have to do is tell them you identify as trans and you have dysphoria, nothing else really matters.

• Having a personality disorder doesn’t invalidate your identity or your need for hormones. That concern didn’t even come up when I got my recommendation!

• Opt for injections over gel. I know a lot of young trans people go for testosterone gel because it’s less scary than the injections, but I haven’t met a single trans dude my age that was happy being on the gel. Every trans dude I’ve met that was on the gel says that it didn’t offer much physical change for them and they switched to the injections instead.

• The injections don’t hurt as much as you anticipate they will. It hurts less than having your blood drawn. The fear of needles is usually what gets people, but if you have a family member that can do your injections for you, it’s far easier than doing them yourself.

• Testosterone makes your body odor smell ridiculously bad. Shower daily and use deodorant.

• Testosterone makes you really horny, and that’s the first symptom you’re going to notice. This is going to lead you to want to make bad choices in the name of getting laid. Don’t let your hormones get the better of you. Find a nice, SAFE way to relieve those urges. Don’t go sleeping with just anybody (again, stay the hell away from straight dudes!). There are literal forums dedicated to things you can use to get off when you don’t have any toys, I shit you not, and that was my godsend growing up.

• Wait at least a year to get rid of your pads and tampons. Just. Just trust me on this one. It can happen.

• Don’t have unprotected sex under the guise that you’re completely infertile because of testosterone. Again. It can happen.

Any other trans adults are welcome to add to this!!!

More things I wish I’d known ever:

• No seriously, you absolutely must stay away from straight men who are only into you because you’re AFAB.  There are trans men in happy, lovely relationships with men who ID as straight, but they are rare and they are exceptions to this rule.  I have known absolutely nothing but terrible suffering.

• If you’re the kind of person who tracks their physical health by smell, prepare for testosterone to fuck all this up.  Your genitals will smell completely different, as will your skin and hair.  As you hit your second or third year on T, this will settle down and you will have a hormonal cycle like everyone else.  Then, your smell will cycle, too.  This is normal.

• Speaking of genitals, prepare for yours to do some weird fuckin things.  I created some strange discharges, and still do in the first two days after I get my Nebido shot.  Again, this is completely normal.  Get yourself investigated for sexual health if you’re uncertain, but honestly this is fine – just no-one really talks about it.

• Transition will lose you some friends, probably.  This will suck balls short term, but believe me, you don’t want to be friends with people who are dicks to trans people, especially not to their faces, right when they start transition when they’re at their most psychologically vulnerable.  Also, you will gain better, more normal friends who aren’t awful!  It’s a win-win.

• Don’t let anyone tell you that lower surgical options for people pursuing this medical pathway are disgusting or substandard.  I see this unbelievably frequently, and usually from other trans men.  I have had lower surgery and have my dream genitals.  They are completely brilliant and I love them. 

• If you’re planning on chest surgery and are worried about scars, don’t be.  I have some pretty gnarly scars because I was blasé about surgery recovery, did too much too quickly because I wasn’t in any pain, and now they’re obvious and stretched.  I love them, honestly – but I’ve had a total of two people ever ask about them when I’ve got my shirt off.  Only one person has ever voiced knowing what they are and what they mean, and they were a trainee surgeon themselves.  Another person thought I’d been attacked by a shark.  People generally do not know what scars are, or mean, or look like.

• “Oh no, acne is my life now!” yeah but it won’t be after a while.  I started testosterone when I was a still-quite-oily 25-year-old and I had an aggressive uptick in oil and spots, but then a dramatic drop.  I now have the best skin of my life.  It pays to grow older (and take care of your skin!).

• “Testosterone will make my emotions be all over the place and I’ll be a horrible aggressive cis dude”. Wrong. I am at the most emotionally stable I have ever been in my entire fucking life. Bad moods will come and go. Frustration will come and go. But “behaving like a maladjusted social dickfart” is only going to happen if you’re pre-inclined to that by, say, a lifetime of direct male socialisation.  You’re … fairly likely not going to majestically transform into an asshole.
• HUNGER. I have yet to confer with everyone I know on T but at least one friend who started T recently (adult transitioning again) has confirmed with me at least; your appetite is probably going to increase. A) your metabolism is is adjusting to run differently (testosterone-based ones burn more calories than oestrogen-based ones as a rule – like all rules there are exceptions) B) your body likely thinks you’re doing puberty and therefore expects GROWTH TIMES even if you’re post-25 or so and can’t actually grow any more. So you know, you’re going to be hungry more. You’re not a werewolf. You’re probably not a werewolf. (If you’re a werewolf I know at least three trans dudes reading this who want to date you).