In order to make a relationship last, you really have to flow with a person as they change. Give them space. My friend always told me about his grandfather who was with his wife for 60 years before she passed. His grandfather said that through all that time, his wife changed so much it felt like he had been with 8 different people by the end. But he said the secret to making it last was that through all those changes, he never suffocated his wife with his own idea of who he expected her to be. Rather he loved, fully, every new woman she became.
Inspiring; you can’t box your lover in, rather let them grow and you grow with them.
when you go from a bad situation into a better one you may collapse exhausted and unsure what to do and full of grief, you may need time to regain the ability to do things as yourself or motivated by anything other than terror, you may need time to process or mourn or fall apart in ways you could not before,
and people may use this as proof that the old situation was better for you, proof that you need to go back, and it is not proof that it was better for you or proof that you need to go back
!!!
It’s so incredibly common to “fall apart” when you’re finally safe. You no longer need to stay so tightly coiled in on yourself, you can finally leave survival mode and process your trauma. You’re not holding yourself up by sheer terror anymore and suddenly the damage that terror has done to you becomes immediate and obvious.
This is so important. Don’t go back. Things are already getting better, even if it doesn’t feel that way.
This is a documented phenomenon with abuse in particular. I’ve had a number of people ask me why they’re falling apart now after they’ve moved into a safer home, or they’re in a less dangerous area, or they’ve left an exploitative job, or they’re in a healthy relationship for the first time. Generally, it’s because they made that positive change.
When we’re still in the midst of crisis, we’re often too overloaded and physically/emotionally unsafe to really feel or process anything. So for most of us, everything gets pushed down/repressed/dissociated until later, when we’re safe and supported. The threshold of safety at which processing begins to occur varies from person to person. And the mental calculations used to determine “safety” usually happen on an unconscious level. Very few of us have the conscious thought “I’m safe now, so I can process what happened to me.” Instead, the subconscious realizes some level of safety has been achieved, and so it just dumps a load of suppressed stuff.
Sometimes, it’s contrast to past experiences that makes us realize something was traumatic at all. In such cases, it’s not that we’ve reached a level of safety and can thus begin to process, it’s that we finally have a basis for comparison to know that what went before was unacceptable.
some ppl who grew up with siblings didnt rly Grow Up With Siblings. like if you and your brother are 10 yrs apart u just dont get it… if you had siblings within 3yrs of your age you had the genuine experience of primitive undeveloped human brains pummeling the shit out of each other because none of us have developed frontal cortices and the laws of man don’t apply in the confines of this house
i told ya we’ve canceled discourse n we’ve moved on to homesteading skills
it’s just choppin wood and harvesting vegetables and herbs from here on out
amen!
unironically this
Please hit me with more homesteading concept drawings
Good reference material here.
My brain during sane hours of the day: “I have a good job with benefits, a stable social network with supportive friends and family, and I’m a nerd who thrives on advanced technology. Also, I dislike the taste of fish.”
My brain on Tumblr at 3:30am: “Y’know, abandoning all technology and leaving civilization behind looks like a lot of fun! And I could teach the kids how to build a fish trap!”
you’ve gotta stat romanticizing your life. you gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. you have to, because that’s when you start truly living. that’s when you look forward to every day.
live your life like a ghibli movie where literally everything is charming and beautiful
Want to have one really nice set of plates and silverware for company and Thanksgiving.
Want to be able to buy a new outfit and a good bra at least a couple times a year.
Want to be able to give “just because” gifts.
Want to burn incense and candles in my home daily, and have nice soaps.
Want to be able to donate to charity frequently and without worry.
Want to buy hardcover books to read and put on a shelf for my kids to read someday.
Want to have candies in bowls for people who visit.
Want to be able to take my young siblings and cousins to a movie and let them get the big popcorn they won’t finish, because there’s magic in just having it.
Want to have a linen closet or at least a linen shelf.
Want to go see live local theater several times a year.
Want to have a bottle of wine or champagne in the house for when I suddenly need to celebrate.
Want to have a kitchen with basic baking supplies so I can bake bread on the weekend, and pies for special occasions.
I just want to be comfy.
for americans, ‘not rich but comfy’ costs about $150k a year in flyover country, twice that on the coasts, and ten times that in new york, san franciso, and los angeles. in case anyone was looking for ballpark numbers.
Solutions Without Problems 