Tag: adulthood

undastra:

hashtagdion:

My emotions are valid*

*valid does not mean healthy, or good, or to be privileged above common sense and kindness

A distinction for anyone who is young and hasn’t figured this out yet:

You are allowed to have whatever emotions you want. No one can control your emotions. Emotions are healthy responses to things.

You are not allowed to have behaviors that are harmful just because you have certain emotions. Your behaviors are what you can control, and they are far easier to control than your emotions.

You can be jealous about someone or their talents until you turn green, but it is harmful to yourself and to that person if you try to sabotage them because of it. You can be so angry you can literally feel your temperature rise, but this does not give you permission to rage at others.

Your emotions are valid. They are always valid. You are a person of value. However, you behaviors are not always justified just because of those emotions. You may not be able to control you emotions, but you can certainly control your behaviors.

parentheticalaside:

fozmeadows:

jenndoesnotcare:

I just left my husband alone with our two children for sixteen days. I was not worried about anything regarding the house, their food, or their wellbeing. I put all the appointments in the family calendar and my husband checked it and kept them. I literally did not worry about them. I missed them, and I was sad that they missed me, but I didn’t worry about them AT ALL. I need to impress upon you all that I missed their company, but was not worried for their welfare.

I also did no meal prep. I don’t even think I went shopping right before I left.

This is not about apples and oranges. This isn’t even about my husband. This is about the fact that this is apparently WEIRD.

Another mum at my daughter’s school is leaving for ten days. She’s taking her youngest (who is a very small baby) and leaving her husband with their two girls. She has been cooking for days preparing freezer meals. She’s panicking and deputizing her six year old to remind him how to make school lunches. AND I AM APPALLED.

A) He is definitely not helpless. (He’s a doctor or something.) What gendered bullshit. B) THAT LITTLE GIRL IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER AND HER SISTER’S WELLBEING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. C) Why is she married to this person and creating children with him if he’s this big of an idiot?

While she was laughingly recounting this, the other mums were nodding and smiling sympathetically, like oh yes, I too have my caveman at home!! Such managing required! I was the only one who was like “Dude, he’ll be fine. Literally. He will be fine.” I said it a lot. She was not convinced. She kept bringing up her older daughter. She’ll be like a little mum!

NO.

NO NO NO NO.

NO.

Straight women, don’t do this shit. It’s gross. Don’t infantilize your husbands and then expect your daughters to pick up the slack. So fucking gross. So. So. GROSS.

The fact that so many adults think a six year old girl is more capable of learning and performing basic domestic tasks than a grown-ass man says it all, really. 

This stuff is so toxic and awful. I told a car full of women one time that I refused to be in another relationship until I met a man who was capable of making his own doctors’ appointments and washing the dishes. They told me I was going to die alone.

Fuck this shit. Don’t enable men’s incompetence and label it cute.

business email glossary

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press “send”
thanks for your interest: why’d you have to bring this up
would you be so kind: fucking do it
best: i have never physically met you
all best: this conversation is over
all my best: i wish you would die
happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox
i hope this helps: i’ve done all i’m willing to do
i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you’re too lazy to
sorry to chase: answer my email
so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email
i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me
please contact my colleague: this isn’t my problem
i’m copying in my colleague: this isn’t my problem and i am thrilled about it
i’ll check and get back to you: i might forget to
i’ll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to
can you check back with me in a week?: i’m hoping you will forget to
per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone
great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone
thanks!: i’m not mad at you
thanks!!: please don’t be mad at me
thanks!!!: i’m crying at my desk
please advise: this might be your fault
kindly advise: this is entirely your fault
mind if i swing by?: i’m already in the elevator
can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email
sorry if that was unclear: i think you’re an idiot
let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

Many abused children cling to the hope that growing up will bring escape and freedom. But the personality formed in an environment of coercive control is not well adapted to adult life. The survivor is left with fundamental problems in basic trust, autonomy, and initiative. She approaches the tasks of early adulthood—establishing independence and intimacy—burdened by major impairments in self-care, in cognition and memory, in identity, and in the capacity to form stable relationships. She is still a prisoner of her childhood; attempting to create a new life, she reencounters the trauma.

Judith Herman (via disabledbyculture)

This is just fucking perfect.

(via themarvelousmadmadammim)

Oh hey it’s my adult life explained

(via kiriamaya)

All that said, adulthood gave me the freedom to work on all of those tthings, to change myself, to become better at living in the world, to become happier than I had ever been in my life. I never dreamed adulthood would bring what it has brought me, but every day I am grateful to be an adult and not a child. To have rights, even if as a DD person with a psych history those rights are unstable, they’re still far more stable than a DD child with a psych history.

Adulthood might not be magical. But adulthood plus hard work plus luck plus circumstance can be amazing.

(via withasmoothroundstone)

Source: disabledbyculture

WHY ARE YOU LONELY: A TEXT GAME – Mallory Ortberg

theglintoftherail:

WHY ARE YOU LONELY: CHOOSE ONE

  • FAILED TO NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS BORN OUT OF CONVENIENCE ONCE CHANGING CIRCUMSTANCES REQUIRED ACTIVE PARTICIPATION FROM YOU
  • WATCHED NETFLIX FOR SEVEN HOURS INSTEAD OF SLEEPING BECAUSE YOU HAVE ONCE AGAIN MISTAKEN INERTIA FOR REST
  • CONFUSED “SELF-CARE” WITH “SELF-INDULGENCE” AGAIN; YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF EXPERIENCING GENUINE REFRESHMENT OR RESTORATION BUT YOU DO SPEND A LOT OF MONEY AT NAIL SALONS
  • ONCE AGAIN CONFUSED “EMPATHY” FOR “TAKING RESPONSIBILITY” AND INVITED OTHERS TO UNLOAD THEIR EMOTIONAL BURDENS ON YOU WITHOUT FIRST ENSURING RECIPROCITY, WHOOPS
  • ANTICIPATORILY BLAMED OTHER PEOPLE FOR NOT CALLING YOU WITHOUT ONCE ASKING YOURSELF WHY YOU CAN’T CALL THEM
  • ASSUMING ANY TIME SPENT TOGETHER THAT YOU HAD TO INITIATE IS SOMEHOW LESS AUTHENTIC THAN REQUESTS FOR TIME SPENT TOGETHER THAT YOU ACCEPT
  • BELIEVE “PERIODICALLY EXPERIENCING THE HUMAN CONDITION” MEANS SOMETHING IS FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN WITHIN YOU
  • CONSTANTLY LIE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS THEN WONDER WHY YOU FEEL LIKE NO ONE KNOWS YOU
  • MISTAKENLY BELIEVE THAT NEGATIVE FEELINGS MUST BE MISTAKES EITHER TO BE AVOIDED OR FIXED RATHER THAN EXPERIENCED
  • DESIRE TO BE FULLY UNDERSTOOD WITHOUT THE CONCOMITANT WILLINGNESS TO FULLY EXPLAIN YOURSELF
  • BELIEVE TRYING AT SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT SHOULD RESULT IN INSTANT PERFECTION AND FIND YOURSELF HORRIFIED AND ASHAMED OF MAKING REALISTIC PROGRESS
  • TRY COCONUT OIL
  • CONVINCED THAT HONESTLY ADMITTING YOUR PROBLEMS WILL DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES COMPLAINING SO INSTEAD YOU OFFER EVERYONE A PISS-POOR SIMULACRUM OF BEING EASY-GOING
  • STILL JUST WAITING FOR THINGS TO HAPPEN TO YOU INSTEAD OF EXPRESSING YOUR DESIRES ALOUD
  • THINK YOU’RE BEING PLAYFUL BUT ACTUALLY YOU JUST GET MEAN WHEN YOU DRINK
  • SPEND ALL YOUR TIME SAYING THINGS LIKE “EITHER’S GOOD” OR “DOESN’T MATTER TO ME” WHEN IN FACT ONLY ONE THING IS GOOD AND IT DOES MATTER TO YOU BUT YOU THINK “NOT EXPRESSING A PREFERENCE” IS THE BEST PERSONALITY TRAIT YOU HAVE TO OFFER OTHERS
  • PEOPLE ACTUALLY MORE AWARE OF YOUR BARELY-CONCEALED CONTEMPT FOR THEIR CHOICES AND RELATIONSHIPS THAN YOU THINK THEY ARE
  • NO GOOD REASON, SORRY

Mallory Ortberg plz stop laying my psyche bare for the world to see

loverofpiggies:

jenroses:

carriepika:

kyleehenke:

kill the idea that being an adult is horrible

getting old and dying is awful, sure, but before that even happens there’s like a good 50-60 years of your life you’re dismissing that will be spent creating and doing and accomplishing and growing and becoming who you really are

kill the idea that life ends after 30. you’re only just beginning.

Dude. My life didn’t even really BEGIN until I was around 30. It took that long for me to get over all the anxiety and stress and bullshit expectations SHOVED onto me by OTHER PEOPLE enough to where I could actually start discovering who I really am.

You know how people talk about ‘mid life crisis’? Most of the time, THIS is what it is. Finally realizing that all the things you’ve done in your desperate attempt to be a ‘proper adult’ were all things forced upon you by your family/friends/peers. And, most importantly, that you don’t have to listen to them or any of that. That life is yours to discover and learn. Some people are lucky enough to have it before they hit 30. Some people don’t have this epiphany until they’re over 50.

Life doesn’t end at 30. Many times, 30 will be the breaking point. And you’ll finally free yourself of a lot of the crap expectations other people had of you. I was 32 years old when I finally said ‘fuck it’ and bleached the streak in my hair and dyed it in rainbow stripes. It was the first step in a lot of steps that have freed me and left me living life much more the way I always wanted to and I’ve been SO much happier. I’ve been discovering who I really am and it’s -fantastic-.

Being an adult isn’t what you think it is. It’s going to be difficult, yes, but I promise it’s not as bad as it seems. Going through the transition to adult is WAY harder than actually BEING an adult. Take it from an adult who thought she’d never figure her shit out. ♥

I danced around singing, “I’m so glad I’m not in my 20s anymore!” on my 30th birthday. 

The less I worry about how I look and who I please the happier and more productive I am.

Dude as someone who’s 27 and got OVER a ton of that shit? Hell yes.

This post is amazing.